[kj] A Statement

[Lennonka]

And I no longer care.
You are going to destroy yourselves.
I'm going to throw my legs on the table, grab popcorn, and watch.
Have fun!


On Sun, 10 Apr 2022 at 15:25, Lennonka <lennonka at gmail.com> wrote:

> Dear sisters and brothers,
>
> I have a statement to make that you may not like, but the truth must be
> told.
> It's not an easy thing to tell, but I'm doing my best to approach your
> circle with trust.
> So, before you judge me, try to listen to the whole story. And please, do
> make an effort to not make any assumptions, and ask questions if you want
> clarifications.
>
> When I met Jaz in 2006, I was a 22 year old girl. Very clever, maybe even
> a bit wiser than my peers, but immature. I was hoping to find a friend in
> him, because he seemed to feel as lonely as I felt. And of course I fell in
> love with him. You know what he was like back then. And I was a mess. I
> basically felt the way he looked! Because the "partners" we choose are a
> mere reflection of ourselves.
>
> Then I was trying to approach him again to tell him in person how I felt
> about him. But the situation wasn't friendly towards that effort. And I was
> in a very stressful life situation and I got depressed very deeply and I
> attempted a suicide in June 2007.
>
> Obviously and fortunately, despite determination, I failed.
>
> I was getting better quickly, but I was still in a very bad place, both
> circumstance and mental-wise. I blamed him for ruining my life. But not
> just mine. I was observing that a fellow sister was getting harsh treatment
> from another band member. I was super angry that people can tremple other
> people and get away with it, because everyone was scared of them. And I
> wanted to diminish the value of my relation with Jaz and I decided to use
> Paul Raven, who has expressed sexual interest in me earlier that year. And
> I intended to sleep with him as an act of vengeance for the victims of the
> abuse of privilege that certain people were given to serve humanity.
>
> The little girl who wanted to play God.
>
> Raven must have known what had been happening, yet he still was able to
> show me unconditional love. Given what happened then, I'm moved beyond
> words by his courage and his big heart. I did have a crush on him. But as I
> was getting less angry, I started wishing hard that I didn't have to go
> through with this intent, because I was still in love with Jaz. I don't
> know what exactly happened to him and what exactly my role in this was. But
> I've matured enough to feel partially accountable to say the least.
>
> I've been learning a really harsh lesson about vengeance over the last 15
> years. And also that justice is often mistaken with vengeance. So when we
> call for justice, we must be really careful what we are actually calling
> for.
>
> I want to say that I am sorry.
>
> There's more that I want to tell, but everything else is a child play
> comparing to this part of the story.
>
> Well, you're the tribunal.
>
> Do judge if you Will. Your choice.
>
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