[kj] (OT) Don't-let-The-Gathering-die! Emergency Poll

[The Stranger]

Nice, a Paul Poll!
(Courtesy of Richard Herring.)

1. Have you ever seen a ghost? Nope.

2. Have you ever seen a Bigfoot? No but once a huge dude showed up at a party in my apartment, drank a two liter bottle of purple booze, started begging forgiveness for the satanic rituals he’d participated in and then proceeded to vomit off our balcony - staining a cellar door a deep chunky purple. It was on this day that he earned the nickname Grape Ape. But, no, never Bigfoot.

3. What is your favourite cheese? Comte.

4. Who is your favourite historical character? Gilligan.

5. What is love anyway? Sublimated sex, maybe.
Subsidiary question: Does anybody love anybody anyway?  Oh yeah!

6. Would you rather be a cow or a badger? A cow, ruminating for days on end.

7. Have you ever tried to communicate
with the dead?  Absolutely.

8. If you had to marry a Muppet – if you had to –
which Muppet would you marry? Janice, the hot lipped bass player.

9. Have you ever had a near death experience? No NDEs, but I’ve had multiple OBEs.

10. If you got on Dragon’s Den, what product
would you pitch? A hotdog, sold at McDonalds, called the McWiener.

11. What’s the worst experience you’ve ever had
in a hotel? A clock radio going off at 2am in the room next door until I threw the fuses for the entire floor. Pretty sure it was a ghost.  Didn’t see him though..

12. Which celebrity would you like to stroke your
hair as you die? Parker Posey.

13. What is your most mundane encounter with a
celebrity? Hmmm saw Youth walk into a venue once. Got shy and didn’t say anything as he strolled on by in his white crumpled suit..

14. Does sex with a robot count as cheating
on your partner? My partner is a robot, so no.

15. What song would you like to replace your
national anthem? This Savage Freedom.

16. If you could jump into a pool of something,
what would it be? Butterscotch Pudding.

17. If you could communicate with one animal,
which animal would you communicate with
and what would you ask them? Cat. I’d go “....what’s your problem?”

18. How did the murder of Thomas A Beckett
affect Anglo-Papal relations in the 12th
Century? Two words. Shit Storm.

19. Do you know the way to San Jose? I do.

20. Have things turned out like you expected
them to? Sometimes...

BONUS QUESTION: How would you escape from a Nazi prisoner of
war camp? Jet pack.
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