[kj] OT

[Brendan]

It could actually save your life, here's how:

If you're ever in a really bad situation, cornered with 8 nasty guys with
weapons about to rip you a new one...best thing to do, go with the nerves,
take a dump in your pants, smear your hands through it, cover your face
and run full tit through them screaming like a madman...no one is gonna
want to even touch you.

Actually it'd make quite a good Mentos ad, right down to the lightbulb
moment when he has the inspiration...

Aaahhhh...2008 is off to a cacking good start on the Gathering shitlist :)



> Isn't shit great !?!?!

>

> -----Original Message-----

> From: gathering-bounces at misera.net [mailto:gathering-bounces at misera.net]On

> Behalf Of fatpotanga

> Sent: 02 January 2008 21:55

> To: A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!)

> Subject: Re: [kj] OT

>

>

> I've probably mentioned this before (but when has that every stopped me?)

> A guy (called Jamie funnily enough) in my old dive club, on his honeymoon

> came out of the bathroom naked & thought it'd be a good idea to impress

> his new bride by farting.

> He bent over, let rip & this 'widget' as he called it flew out of his arse

> and landed square in the middle of the newspaper she was reading!

> Strangely enough the marriage didn't last long.

> --

> My mate Geoff on a 1st date got caught short & nipped in a park for a poo.

> It was very cold & dark, he was drunk & fell backwards onto it and had it

> smeared all up the back of his coat.

> --

> Another friend of mine tells a tale from his student days of his house

> mate (again after beer) going for a huge, satisfying dump.

> He leaped back into bead only to have shit squirt up his back & onto the

> wall.

> In his enthusiasm he'd neglected to pull down his underwear.

> --

> another guy I know worked on a road gang.

> A newbie turned up one day working on a pipeline down a country lane.

> He needed to go & asked his workmates what they did.

> Just go in the hedge they said.

> off he goes, and has a great big dump.

> What he doesn't know is one of them was on the other side of the hedge

> with a shovel who catches it all & spirits it away leaving this poor sod

> somewhat flummoxed when he stand up see nothing after what was probably a

> satisfying motion.

> --

> Another friend Niall cites this as his 2nd most embarrassing moment.

> There'd been a house party & he'd been drinking pretty solidly for 2 days.

> So much so he lost control of his bowels & shat himself.

> being drunk he took all his clothes off, managing to cover himself & the

> floor & walls in poo.

> being drunk, he then went out onto the landing stark naked, covered in

> shit with a miniscule dick after 2 days of constant booze & declared in

> front of a packed house his undying love for this girl & threatened the

> guy she was getting off with.

> I'd love to know his 1st most. He won't tell.

> --

> my mate Richard went off adventuring all over South America. he does some

> serious mountaineering.

> He climbed up a huge mountain despite rock falls & an avalanche warning.

> Reaches the summit & after hours of holding it in just has to go to the

> toilet.

> He inches to the edge, digs his crampons in and squats down - arse over a

> thousand foot drop or whatever it was.

> He hears this almighty roar & in his own words literally shat himself as

> he looked round expecting to see an avalanche.

> Beneath him was a passenger jet!

> --

>

> I have a lot more poo stories but thankfully that's all for now children.

>

>

>

>

>

> On 2 Jan 2008, at 20:49, ade wrote:

>

>

>

> This & Rob's story rocks - pure quality.

>

> I remember watching out while my mate shat down the cavity of a house that

> was being built. Clearly

> a pioneer in environmentally friendly insulation methods.

>

> I bet the people who now live in that house have spent £1000s trying to

> exorcise the place of an

> Amityville-style infestation, replete with fgunny smells &

> stained/bleeding walls...

>

>

>

>

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