[kj] Jester

Mon May 15 08:50:25 EDT 2006

Hang in there Jester, Killing Joke should be a POSITIVE source of energy in 
your life. The sad little fellows on this list (and I'm sure they're much 
the same as on the Flock of Seagulls mailing list and  every other band list 
out there), are NOT the reason I'm still here.

Your contribution to the gathering is much appreciated and will never be 
forgotten.

All you cybermosquitoes should go suck blood elsewhere.

T.

>From: Jester <webmaster at killing-joke.com>
>Reply-To: "A list about all things Killing Joke (the 
>band!)"<gathering at misera.net>
>To: "A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!)" 
><gathering at misera.net>
>Subject: Re: [kj] Jester
>Date: Sun, 14 May 2006 22:22:03 -0500
>
>To address a couple of things...
>
>1. I closed the site because I am sick and dont have the time to 
>effectively fight for information. I was tired of being the only contact 
>for cancelled shows, and GOP, which will most likely never see the light of 
>day, and to my knowledge, no one has seen a refund on it and those people 
>are rightfully angry about it. I am just the wrong person to ask about it, 
>because I have no control over it.
>
>I am not stopping anyone from starting their own site, and it is not my 
>problem or fault that Jaz does not support nor endorse certain other sites 
>and has as recently as less than a week ago, requested that if my health 
>allows in the future, to please resume killing-joke.com with his full 
>support.
>
>Also, around the time I closed the site, I was having really horrible 
>reactions to treatment, then got the flu, then got salmonella, and in 
>between there, a friend comitted suicide, and myself and her son were the 
>last two people to have any conversation with her.
>
>I wont even get into the problems my oldest son is having in school because 
>of watching me go through treatments. We try and shield them as much as we 
>can from the worst sides of chemo, but he still can hear me getting sick 
>and still sees the pain, and this has caused him some problems with lashing 
>out in school.
>
>Needless to say, there has been a lot going on, and I didn't have it in me 
>to run the site.
>
>That said, I have left the site up and running (killing-joke.com) as an 
>archive for any info that is on it regarding the band....it is all still 
>there.
>
>2. I was asked to help with Mob Research site and possibly a few other 
>related sites. It is a job, and I am damn thankful for it. I need to work 
>as much as I can, when I can, because like everyone else, I have bills to 
>pay. Unlike everyone else, I have medical expenses on top of other every 
>day typical bills. If you look, it aint like I am sitting there posting 
>several times a day, nor do I really anticipate that being the case. It 
>took about two hours to do everything to get the site up and going as it is 
>now.
>
>I never once posted about Mob Research here, or anywhere else Killing Joke 
>related, including Killing-joke.com, until this email to address these 
>questions.
>
>3. As far was the questions, accusations or outright claims that I am not 
>sick...here is a bit of info regarding that.
>
>Anyone who has ever been sick knows you have good and bad days. Some days, 
>I feel decent and can get some work done, other days, I cant get out of the 
>bed. I guess thats the nature of this beast. Also, different doctors have 
>different plans of treatment, and when you have insurance (ours kicked in 
>in late October), the level of care in the US gets better. Odd how that 
>works.
>
>As with anyone who has to undergo any amount of chemo and radiation, in 
>addition to rheumatoid arthritis treatments, your immune system takes a 
>beating. A lot of health problems through April and May have been flu 
>related, an infection in two wisdom teeth I had cut out, and salmonella 
>that I could not recover from without extended high doses of cipro and 
>amoxil (antibiotics) and IV's of saline because of the dehydration issues.
>
>As far as people wondering what the money went for? Medical insurance is 
>$463.73 twice a month (1st and 15th of the month), for our Aetna EPO family 
>insurance. Protonix, Ambien, Colozal are all $60.00 a month. Tramadol, 
>Vicodin, Norco, Dicyclomine, Sulfasalazine, Prednisone, Asacol, Sucralfate, 
>Darvocet N100, etc. are all $10 - $20 a month each, in co pays. Every time 
>I go for treatment, it is $25.00 per visit. Any time I go to the general 
>physician, it is a $25.00 copay, any time I go to the rhematologist, it is 
>$25.00, any time I go to the gastroenterologist, it is $25.00. Hospital 
>visits are a $50 copay. I make visits to various doctors for treatments and 
>such at least once to 3 times a week, and there are still hospital visits.
>
>More photographic proof than whats already been posted on the blog? You 
>know, this sort of goes in the same class as when Peter West accused Mel of 
>lying about the London tube Bombings. But since some proof was asked for, 
>and I do feel that if you ask you do have a right to know, here you go.
>
>Photo 1 is of some of my meds, my endoscopy image sheet (you can see the 
>bleeding in the top two images, and the malformation of cells in the bottom 
>left is pretty apparent as well. Esophageal cells are suppose to be smooth, 
>not rippled like that. You can see bleeding in the bottom right image too), 
>my LiveStrong binder, and Melanie's (my friend who committed suicide) 
>funeral memorial paper.
>
>http://www.killing-joke.com/meds/m100_2531.jpg
>
>Photo 2 is more meds taken late last year:
>
>http://www.killing-joke.com/meds/631895260_l.jpg
>
>I have been stuck so many times with IV's and bloot tests, I have permanent 
>  scarring in various spots. Here is one of the scars I have (sorry the pic 
>is a little fuzzy but you should be able to tell):
>
>http://www.killing-joke.com/meds/iv_scar100_2537.jpg
>
>Here is a close up of a receipt from March, just to show I am not 
>bullshitting about the co pay on some of these meds. I buy different meds 
>at different times of the month to stagger the cost.
>
>http://www.killing-joke.com/meds/recp3_15_06_100_2532.jpg
>
>Portion of paycheck stub detailing costs of insurance benefits..this is 
>quite a high percentage for someone who makes $20,800 annually:
>
>http://www.killing-joke.com/ins_stub.jpg
>
>
>Malcolm, as far as accusations about what I said or posted to you, can you 
>please post a link to these posts I allegedly made, cause I honestly do not 
>remember calling you a thief. I do recall us having a load of disagreements 
>over Clarky posting about the email you sent about a fake suicide, but I 
>dont recall saying "Malcolm is a thief". If there is something like that on 
>the site, that I or anyone posted, then send a link and will clear it up. 
>My whole issue with you was the proliferation of the fake suicide and 
>claiming that I or anyone else caused it...when it never even happened in 
>the first place.
>
>As far as Allan (CrimsonDynamo) being banned, that simply is not true. He 
>was never banned. He demanded we ban "CommieKiller" for the user name, and 
>when we refused, he and his girlfriend posted they were leaving because I 
>refused to ban "CommieKiller". Allan will claim I called his girlfriend a 
>whore, and that is untrue as well. I did call him an "attention whore", 
>which he more than has proven it's truth by starting this thread, this past 
>week. Attention whore and whore are two different things. Fuck, stay on 
>this list long enough and you will most likely be called worse.
>
>Peter West and a few others have emailed me asking who the The Hierophant 
>is. I know there were accusations that it is Darryl Morris aka LordMoloch, 
>but he denied it. The message board image is even hosted by his ISP 
>webspace. Why deny who you are? Seems odd, but maybe that is a prime 
>example of why the band wants nothing to do with that message board.
>
>http://homepage.ntlworld.com/darryl.morris2/Pandemoniumbig.jpg
>
>http://homepage.ntlworld.com/darryl.morris2
>
>A few of you complain that I talked about cancer on the message board so on 
>and so forth. Yeah, I guess I did. Was my mistake. It has been a fucked up 
>time period. Before I got sick and was working, I rarely posted on the 
>message board, and rarely was in the chat room. I apologize for dragging 
>cancer to the message board. Just one more reason for you guys who took 
>such an exception to that, to be glad it's gone because it is impossible 
>for me to separate it [cancer] from anything, then and now. I was and still 
>am freaked out by this. You guys have your own message board to run as you 
>see fit, and I have closed the old one down. I seriously do not see why 
>this is even brought up so many weeks after the thing has been closed.
>
>Now, can you just leave me the fuck alone? You have your proof, the reasons 
>I quit doing the site, and answers to some questions. I suppose the main 
>thing was the proof. I have gone so far as to post pics of some of my meds, 
>part of my wife's paycheck stub, and images of my esophagus. The site is 
>closed, my work like other sites I build is as much your business as your 
>job is my business, and you have your photographic proof of my illness. 
>Time to move on.
>
>J
>
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