[kj] And on a Lighter Note?

[Sergt. Dregs]

>  1. Could the Home Secretary explain to me how
> > biometric checks on iris
> >  patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep
> > tabs on that c*nt of a
> >  Muslim cleric Abu Hamza?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Les Barnsley, Barnsley
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  2. "One pound a week will supply water for an
> > entire village in Tanzania"
> >  says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge
me
> > twenty pounds a month
> >  for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing
bastards!!!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Tracey Cusick, Cumbria
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  3. How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'F'
word
> > on his multi-million
> >  selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I
> > used it at my son's
> >  football match I was asked to leave the park?
Once
> > again, it's one law for
> >  the rich and another for the poor.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  4. So HMV consider Andy Williams and Dean Martin
to
> > be "easy listening" do
> >  they? Try telling that to my mate Andy. He's been
> > deaf for 20 years.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Tim
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  5. They say "you can't judge a book by its
cover".
> > What nonsense. The last
> >  edition of High School An at l that I bought
featured
> > a young lady stuffing a
> >  big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and
this
> > turned out to be an
> >  excellent indication of the contents.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Mark Roberts
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  6. According to Nietzsche, "That which does not
> > kill me makes me
> >  stronger". I'm sure my grandad would not agree.
He
> > suffered a series of
> >  massive strokes in the early '90s which have left
> > him an incontinent
> >  vegetable for the past 12 years.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  A Thorne, Sandbach
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  7. It's uncanny how some of these old sayings are
> > true. "Absence makes the
> >  heart grow fonder", said my wife as she waved
> > goodbye to me on the way to
> >  spend a month with her mother. Since then I have
> > grown quite fond of my
> >  next door neighbour. I actually gave her one on
the
> > living room carpet
> >  this morning.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Christopher Hampshire, Bristol
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  8. The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has
thrown
> > up some interesting
> >  questions. For a start, does Shipman killing
> > himself take his official
> >  tally up to 216, or does it count as an own goal?
> > Where does this final
> >  score place our national champ in the world
league
> > table
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Magnus, Sheffield
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  9. The government says that there are nearly
50,000
> > people with HIV in
> >  Britain, a third of who do not even know that
they
> > have it. Is it just me,
> >  or is it a bit harsh that the government know and
> > haven't told the poor
> >  sods?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  John Campbell, e-mail
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  10. Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris
and
> > Roger DeCourcey. What
> >  about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him on
telly
> > blathering on about
> >  galaxies for hours and I never saw his lips move
> > once. Genius.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Mike Woods, e-mail
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  11. With reference to that series "Manhunt" where
> > ex-Special Forces
> >  soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't
the
> > producers include a
> >  couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found
> > the useless twat quickly
> >  enough the last time he played hide and seek with
> > them.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Shuggie, Email
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  12. It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit
off
> > for her new film, but
> >  why wasn't she doing it twenty years ago before
her
> > puppies hit the pan?
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Alan Pick, Kingston
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  13. I would like to thank Darren of Chelsea for
not
> > coming to Australia
> >  with Jenny. She is a great sh at g. Thanks again.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Baz, Bondi
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  14. Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my
> > entire CD collection with
> >  the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose"
by
> > the Foo Fighters. Hope
> >  that when sentencing, the judge takes into
account
> > their splendid sense of
> >  humour.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  Chris Scaife, Jesmond
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >  15. Hats off to the American police. They arrive
at
> > Michael Jackson's
> >  Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere six months
> > after he admits climbing
> >  into bed with young boys on worldwide TV. Perhaps
> > they should get some
> >  faster cars.
> >


Cracked Machine irregular cyberzine
http://www.webinfo.co.uk/crackedmachine

Look at grafitti scrawled on the wall:
Patriotism is a vile thing, a low trick designed for low mentality.


		
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