[kj] OT -- Metal Joke

Jpwhkj at aol.com Jpwhkj at aol.com
Fri Jan 7 07:39:13 EST 2005


Killing Joke arrive by aeroplane, from Prague, LA, NZ, Milton Keynes, etc. Geordie stands there swaying, smoking, playing guitar, and generally looking cool while Jaz rants at the dragon. Raven drinks some beer, then sets his pit bulls on the dragon. Meanwhile Youth has skinned up, and several session drummers have come and gone. The princess meanwhile has spent her time knitting Killing Joke cardigans, which are confiscated by the management who arrive shortly after the dragon dies.

Motley Crue arrive, and Tommy Lee videos himself fucking the princess.

Then it turns out that Antoni is also in the castle, having been locked up for taking photos of warhorses.

I could go on, but...


>Metal Joke
>
>  This is the situation: there's a beautiful princess trapped in
>a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the story with
>different styles of metalheads as knights.(can do w/out the
>raping, though)
>
>POWER METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the
>dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted
>forest.
>
>THRASH METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes
>and fucks her.
>
>HEAVY METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a
>few
>beers and fucks the princess.
>
>FOLK METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions,
>violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon
>falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all
>leave....without the princess.
>
>VIKING METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his
>mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to
>death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before
>leaving.
>
>DEATH METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess
>and kills her, then leaves.
>
>BLACK METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and
>impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the
>princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then
>he impales the princess next to the dragon.
>
>GORE METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts
>in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then
>he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her
>guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the
>corpse and fucks it for the last time.
>
>DOOM METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks
>he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits
>suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert.
>That's the end of the sad story.
>
>PROGRESIVE METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26
>minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The
>protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo
>with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of
>the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY
>METAL" protagonist.
>
>GLAM METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's
>appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up
>and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
>
>NU METAL:
>
>The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts
>to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy
>clothes catch fire. 
>
>=====
>...  ...  ...  ...  ...  ...  
>As the masters rot on walls
>And the angels eat their grapes
>I watched picasso 
>visit the planet of the apes
>
>
>        
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