[kj] Back in NYC/Custom Troubles/Big Thanks/PICTURES!

[Neil Perry]

Thanks fuck they let you back in or we'd have to put
up with you a lot longer ;-0

Excellent pics - that one of Jaz and Colesy looks like
a velociraptor about to devour a small fluffy animal.

And thanks for holding my jacket while I joined the
knitting circle!

A top effort all round mate
N




 --- Alexander Smith <vassifer at earthlink.net> wrote: 
> 
> Good lord am I fucking tired. Yeah, this is another
> long one, but gimme 
> a break. And there are links to pics at the bottom.
> 
> Alex Back in NYC reporting once again for Active
> Duty.
> 
> Got in this morning (after traipsing around London
> all day Saturday 
> with List-Meister Misera). My flight was chock-full
> of THREE British 
> high school classes combined on their way to a big
> communal visit to 
> NYC. It was like flying over the Atlantic in a
> massive fucking school 
> bus. Mr.inNYC was NOT at all pleased. They were
> fine, though, for the 
> most part. On the way off the plane, who should be
> greeting me as I 
> cross the threshold but Mr.RICHARD BRANSON, VIRGIN
> CEO himself! 
> Actually shook the man's hand. Stranger than
> fiction.
> 
> ....and then things got shitty again.
> 
> I was pulled over -- quite unexpectedly and
> frustratingly inexplicably 
> -- by U.S. CUSTOMS. That's right, MY OWN FUCKING
> COUNTRY decided that 
> it needed to have a little chatty-chat with me.
> Going through the 
> motions at the custom's gate, the decidedly
> unsmiling man behind the 
> desk drew a BIG YELLOW LINE down my declaration card
> and told me to 
> "see the gate clerk." Not clued in that something
> was up, said clerk 
> said "go see Number 15!". Okay. I walk over to
> Number Fifteen (despite 
> the good-natured entreaties of clearly bored Number
> Sixteen, a jovial 
> black gent). Oh no, I went with equally unsmiling
> Number Fifteen, a 
> true jarhead with a buzzcut and a bad attitude. At
> this point, I 
> *STILL* haven't realized that something is up. "Have
> you ever been in 
> trouble with Customs before, sir?" he barks.
> "Umm.....what do you mean 
> before? Am I in trouble with Customs NOW?" "Just
> answer the question, 
> sir!" Fuck. "No sir." "Have you ever lived in
> Seattle?" "Ummmm....no, 
> I'm a native New Yorker and always have been --- and
> have lots of 
> documentation to support it". "What do you do for a
> living, sir?" 
> "Ummm...I'm a journalist, I supp..." "LET ME SEE
> YOUR PASSPORT NUMBER 
> IMMEDIATELY!" By this point, I'm getting alarmed.
> "Ummm....is something 
> wrong?" I'm panicking now, as I didn't declare the
> six little jars of 
> fancy mustard I bought at Fortnum & Mason for my
> mother-in-law. But, 
> somewhat surprisingly, they don't look in my bag.
> Lots of frowning, 
> typing, brow-furrowing and suspicious staring.
> Finally, some stamping 
> of my passport and I'm given a "comment card". "Am I
> in trouble, 
> officer?" I ask...sounding worryingly like Shaggy in
> 'Scooby-Do'. "I'm 
> not allowed to tell you, sir, but if you contact the
> address in the 
> document I just handed you, perhaps they can
> elaborate. With a last 
> name as common as yours......" he trailed off. And
> waved me off. And 
> off I went, shaken and paranoid. I still haven't the
> faintest clue why 
> the pulled me aside, but I have the sneaking
> suspicion that it might've 
> had *EVERYTHING* to do with the "MALICIOUS DAMAGE
> OPERATIVE" badge I 
> was sporting on my jacket lapel. I'll get you for
> this, Coles.
> 
> 
> Alright, enough about that. Here's the meaty part.
> I'd just like to 
> truly thank *EACH AND EVERY GATHERER AND
> GATHERER-ASSOCIATE* I was 
> fortunate enough to come into contact with in the
> past three days. I'm 
> worried about citing names, as I'm deathly afraid of
> leaving anybody 
> out, but I feel I'd be truly, truly remiss if I
> didn't specifically 
> thank.....
> 
> 
> ** Rob Moss ** -- Rob was a gent enough to pick me
> up at Heathrow and 
> shepherd me around the town for both gigs, more or
> less making sure I 
> didn't get into any serious trouble. He may be a big
> looking gent and 
> have a serious problem with displaying his
> below-the-belt equipment, 
> but he's truly a stand-up, lovable guy. I hope you
> are feeling better 
> after splitting early on Friday, Rob, and I hope you
> made it home 
> safely back to Oxford (home of Ride, don'tcha know!)
>  Heh heh. Sorry. 
> Enjoy the Ramones shirt, you big girly blouse.
> 
> ** Mike Coles & His Lovely Family ** -- Another big
> round of cheers to 
> Mike and his wonderful (and patient) wife, Lyrico
> and their 
> incomparably beautiful children (luckily for Mike,
> like my own 
> daughter, they take after the Mother). Not only did
> the Coles's add a 
> dash of clout, but their honed-from-parenting good
> natures compelled 
> them to look after me when I decided to happily part
> with all semblance 
> of coherent reason (via many pints of Grolsch) and
> beer-handling 
> coordination. Mike was also nice enough to invite
> Andy Misera and 
> myself out to the fabled Malicious Towers in Kilburn
> on Saturday, 
> treating us to a rare glimpse inside the proverbial
> MD vault. And I now 
> know why it's called "the Skylight Zone". He also
> treated Andy & myself 
> to several selections from the forthcoming CLOCK
> MACHINE compilation, 
> and lemme just say, biases aside, THIS DISC ROCKS!
> There is some 
> *TRULY* inspired music thereupon, and if some of
> those tracks aren't 
> ripe for becoming genuine, radio-friendly hits, than
> I've got dog semen 
> in my ears.
> 
> ** Andy Misera ** -- Our beloved List-Meister was
> good enough to guide 
> me around London on Saturday, visiting not only the
> Coles' place, but 
> several shopping locales and more coffee bars, comic
> shops, posh 
> boutiques, chip shops and pubs than you can shake a
> a pointy stick at.
> 
> ** Graham/Woody2Shooz**  -- The ageless Graham was a
> gent enough to 
> supply with tickets for both nights and refused to
> accept any semblance 
> of payment (did I ever get you anything CLOSE to
> your weight in lager?)
> 
> ** Stephane the Frenchman** --  Quite unsolicitedly
> bestowed on me some 
> richly undeserved goodies like a signed (by all
> four) poster of the 
> gigs. We may like shouting "BASTARD" at you,
> Frenchman, but you're a 
> hecka-swell gent.
> 
> ** Bob Barathy ** -- For being a smashing gent for
> looking after the 
> poster alluded to just above (which he will
> hopefully send to me at 
> some point and not use it to wrap rancid fish with,
> though I'm sure 
> Mike Coles could live with that).
> 
> ** Nichola Wood & Wilfull Dave** -- Neither of whom
> are on the list, 
> but who very nicely rescued me from wandering off
> into the desolate, 
> pitch black of the Shepherd Bush night, bundling me
> into cab where I 
> was forced to discuss the merits of Las Vegas with
> an 
> overly-enthusiastic cab driver.
> 
> ** Jel ** -- For serving as both a massively good
> dude, a big fuckoff 
> giant who probably scared off loads of Yankaphobes
> who'd have gladly 
> pounded my head in, and as an excellent step-ladder
> to up above the 
> fray of the "knitting circle".
> 
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