[kj] (OT) Cardiacs news:

[Alexander Smith]

I know they're renowned for their bizarre sense of humor, but it seems  
awfully odd to dress the continuing bad news of Tim Smith's  
compromised health in such chortle-worthy language. I suppose they  
have to keep laughing to stop themselves from crying.

Alex in NYC




On Jun 25, 2009, at 7:29 AM, Phillipps Marc wrote:


> I know there are a few Cardiacs fans out there that may’ve not seen  

> the latest missive from ABC:

>

> A full year has now passed by silently and stealthily yet with ever  

> an eye on promptitude and a passion for consistency it now falls  

> upon THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN to provide this timely annual  

> update to YOU our ever faithful family regarding the health and  

> condition of Tim Smith.

>

> One complete year on from Tim Smith’s ‘accident’, THE ALPHABET  

> BUSINESS CONCERN is only too aware that since its previous gloomy  

> news bulletin there have purposely been no further updates. In this  

> time YOU have been both patient and respectful to the family of YOUR  

> IDOL and to those so called friends with whom he keeps regular  

> counsel. If rumour and tittle-tattle have reached the collective ear  

> of THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN then we have seen fit neither to  

> extinguish nor fan their ugly flames.

>

> It is at this time, then, that THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN has  

> chosen to clarify the CURRENT situation At the time of his cardiac  

> arrest Tim Smith effectively died.

> Resuscitation allowed his passage back from that world of mists and  

> spirits to this one of foetid edges and filth, but upon re-entering  

> this VALE OF TEARS it became apparent that he had suffered a  

> terrible brain injury from the inability of his faltered heart to  

> supply its regular goodness in the quantities required to sustain a  

> healthy condition within his brainbox.

>

> Quite what the sickly lad experienced over the course of the  

> remaining months of 2008 remains largely unclear. He claims at one  

> point to have been surrounded by ‘cheap microphones’ while at other  

> times that he was visited by ‘multiple cigarette smoking’ friends  

> whilst languishing in a ‘cafe that served exquisite fruit juice’ all  

> set within a ‘beautiful surreal landscape of rivers and curtains’.

> In keeping with our reputation as The HONEST Concern, THE ALPHABET  

> BUSINESS CONCERN can state categorically that none of these  

> constructs was of our making.

>

> Since the accident Tim Smith’s body has become his enemy. He is in a  

> great deal of pain and is experiencing difficulty with the finer  

> points of control with regard to his extremities so obviously  

> perfected prior to the unhappy event, but Tim Smith, his family and  

> those so called friends, (with whom he keeps counsel), all assert  

> that his mind, however, has been sharpened by the episode. THE  

> ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN can confirm that no part of YOUR favourite  

> pop star’s intellect or personality has been found to be absent  

> WHATSOEVER.

>

> So where does that leave CARDIACS and where does that leave YOU?

>

> At this point Tim Smith can neither sing nor play his guitar. THE  

> ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN, in keeping with its enviable reputation  

> as THE REALISTIC CONCERN, can state that it is extremely unlikely  

> that CARDIACS will perform live for the foreseeable future. THIS IS  

> NOT, IT MUST BE NOTED, THE END OF CARDIACS. YOU must once again be  

> patient before events can reveal themselves as foodstuffs for YOUR  

> greedy little mouths.

>

> Unlike the so-called prescient ways of that, at best, ‘cosmic chancer’

> Nostradamus, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN claim no ’second sight’,  

> therefore it would be mere folly to muse upon how future events may  

> unfold. Tim Smith’s condition permits no such speculation, but there  

> is in his own words ‘A glimmer of anticipation . . . Quite a glimmer.’

> And it is to give that glimmer the oxygen that it requires to become  

> the roaring flame we all need to warm our clammy flesh, that he is  

> participating in the trials and tribulations required within the  

> system of neurological rehabilitation where he is making many small  

> but positive inroads into his recovery. We are therefore left in no  

> doubt that it is a long and arduous road beset with many trips and  

> stumbles along the way that has yet to be travelled.

>

> In respect of the awful events of last year, much of the machinery  

> surrounding your favourite group, CARDIACS, had ground to a halt. In  

> honour of YOUR patience, YOU will observe the cogs begin to turn and  

> the pistons sputter to life once more. THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN  

> will soon make available to YOU the goods and artefacts YOU so  

> hungrily crave.

>

> Tim Smith and it goes without saying, THE ALPHABET BUSINESS CONCERN,  

> would like to thank all of YOU who have sent him YOUR kind thoughts  

> and beautiful words and indeed in a few thankfully rare cases, your  

> daubs and photos. They have all been gratefully received where  

> appropriate and both Tim and ourselves would encourage you all to  

> continue with your correspondence.

>

> With Respect

>

>

>

>

>

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