[kj] My Delightful Downstairs Neighbour OT

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The council recently stole all electrical "noise making equipment from my flat to prevent me listening to music in my own home. They warned me that I would get an ASBO if I carried on listening to music in my own home. I asked if I could have a T-shirt and framed certificate to go on the wall. Starngely the ASBO busybodies do not view the fact that the same person has assaulted me three times as "anti-social behaviour." Hitting people is much more anti-social than listening to music in my opinion. On the last weekend of August Manchester Evening News had a hilarious frontpage headline "The Death Knell of the ASBO," procaliming that the use of ASBOs for such trivial matters has backfired as most people ignore them. They'll be stepping on the cracks in the pavement next! 

Here's the story of the first couple of assaults: 

My fuse had blown so music was out and there was dance racket coming from Flat 2 downstairs, summer gaylord disco camp shtick. It wasn't up to much but I was curious to see how Doctor Who would fight off the Cyber-Dalek apocalypse with a pair of red-green 3D specs. Joanna Wheeler answered her door and invited me in where she and three friends were drinking beer, smoking dope and snorting coke. She gave me a can of Grolsch and we put Dr Who on with the sound down. Hell I was only really interested in the effects not the script which seemed to involve flying Daleks, Cybermen invading suburban homes to watch TV and men with guns running about a lot and kissing Dr Who. The best bit was when the Daleks skullfucked an Asian scientist, leaving no flesh on his head. The skull looked rather like Wheeler's pathetic boyfriend who she claimed was not her boyfriend when he'd gone out to the offy. I gave him a fiver to get some more lager. Jo was behaving
 flirtatiously, but at least she wasn't drunk enough to take off her knickers to show off her shaven cunt whilst hollering, "Fuck me up the arse!" which she did on a previous evening when I popped in for a drink. She was the worst shag I've ever had by some distance. After Romain returned he started bleating in his camp whiny voice, "Where's me blow? Somebody's knicked me blow!" Everyone would get tired of the act and somehow he'd find his brown lump. Later I realised he was trying to pull a pathetic con trick of blaming me for stealing his drugs to have an excuse to have a go at me. After snorting more cocaine than his brain could deal with, he suddenly punched me in the face and ran out of the flat and out of the house. Everyone was quite surprised, but retrospectively I realised he'd probably been getting insanely jealous as Wheeler was behaving flirtatiously towards me. I ended up with a fat lip and still have a slightly numb spot above a tooth.
 Everyone thought he was out of order and rather ridiculous. Jo said he'd be back tomorrow, and sure enough he was, oozing pitiful regret and apologising for his stupid behaviour. At the time I didn't despise him as much as I would later so I accepted the apology, more for Jo's sake than his. After that I avoided him as much as possible as he was always pretty annoying. One night I was in their flat and they put 'Alien 3' on. Paul through a tantrum because Jo wasn't shagging him and went to bed, so I left. 

Next time he attacked me he tried to force his way into my flat to steal a computer he'd given me. He acquired a few computers from a local college upgrading their machines, on the proviso that he pass them on to people living in Whalley Range. I guess he didn't mention that he was actually living in Chorlton. He managed to push me over and knocked a radiator off the wall, so all the water poured out of it. I wasn't actually harmed, and called the police but after he did his pity me act and the WPC let him off after telling him that he had no right to order me to turn down music as he didn't legally live in Flat 2. He even told her that if I played loud music he'd try to atack me again, and admitted the attempted robbery, but she still didn't charge him. She also asked me not to play music so loud.


Romain is a racist creep who mutters crap about immigrants who come over here stealing jobs from the working class English born and bred, not realising that he probably has Italian blood from migrant ancestors judging by his surname. He also spews false inadequate pride in his working class roots, so I guess its a shame that he's too insecure and incompetant to get off sickness benefit for long. Anyway, to be asked to turn music down for the benefit of this parasite who has tried and failed to bully me is a gross insult. He'd also love it if I moved out so that he could move into my flat.

Here's a couple of excerpts from my conversation with the woman from the City Council's ASBO harrassment unit, who clearly is not stupid...

The first thing I wanted to bring up is that the list of items you took from my flat that you only provided for me after I wrote to you rather than at the time the items were stolen, is incomplete. There was also some speaker cable that is worth a lot more than some of those old  speakers I rescued from skips. I mentioned in a letter that there is a tape by the Dead C in the battered old black double cassette deck / radio. There's a Tom Waits CD inside the  silver Onkyo CD player and a Thalia Zedek CD inside the discman. When the dour Council servant with the moustache took the crap RSPCA DVD player he made a point of removing my Tortoise DVD from it so I think it is fair to assume that your warrant didn't actually cover these three items that were taken and a case might even be able to be made legally that it was theft to take them. I'd like them back without having to pay you eight hundred pounds, especially the Thalia Zedek CD as I haven't been able
 to find another copy of it anywhere. Obviously that alone won't be worth paying eight hundred pounds for.

LH - You think the CDs are in there?

They are in the machines and I don't think they are covered by the warrant. It'd be stupid to pay a solictor three hundred pounds to find out.

LH - I'll look into that.

The thing about anti-social behaviour is it isn't like my neighbours have been so well behaved themselves.

LH - I have some notes here from your letter so what we'll do is go through these. In the letter from the 13th of May you're claiming that an amplifier was broken. 

Yes and the knob that came off is still in my possession as is the front cover of one of the large black Technics speakers.

LH - Which amplifier is it?

The large old analogue one with the VDUs on the front. I expect it will have stopped working after being moved as the last time I moved it it almost died, so its not really going to be worth paying you to get it back. I guess its not a big deal, except that the police assured me that nothing would be damaged by the diligent Council thieves.
Do you realise you could have paid to soundproof my flat instead of all this bureaucratic harrassment that has ultimately just annoyed me?

''''

12:29

LH - My concern is the neighbours that you're disturbing. There's nothing worse than having to endure loud music constantly at various hours of the day.

That's one of the stupidest things I've ever been told in my life. Would you rather have AIDS?

LH - I'm not going to continue. I'm trying to explain to you at the moment.

I understand what you are trying to explain.

LH - Well do you not understand what I'm saying to you?

I think you just said something very stupid and I told you so. I proved it I think as you haven't disputed that hearing music is preferable to contracting AIDS. I don't see why that should be used as a feeble excuse to end this conversation.

LH - I'm trying to explain something and you're calling me stupid! Do you think that's going to help the situation?

I didn't call you stupid. I said that you said something stupid. There is a difference. Do you understand?

(Despite announcing that she would not continue, she did in fact carry on and later wrote me a letter assuring me that the council had not broken any of the things they stole).

13:27