[kj] Nice Streets Below: How We Wait in Europe

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How nice it was to escape this ever more petty joke of a nation, occupied as it has been by the USA since WW2. If you want to get away from this rotten island then a great place to go is Belgium. Its not too far by coach through the tunnel. Brussels is beautiful. The streets smell of coffee and chocolate, the people are jolly and kind and there is great art everywhere. No wonder Colin and Malka made it their home. There are also lots of Belgians with little noses straight out of a Tintin book. The food and beer are amazing. I thought Brussels was wonderful but then I made it to Ghent and was pretty damn glad the trams had been aborted by a flower festival because I walked along the canal to get back to the station and realised that this is architecturally the most beautiful city I have seen. I haven't made it to Prague yet though! Antwerp looks like a low rent Barcelona copy, in the same way Manchester tries to be European but always ends up looking like
 a post-industrial dump. Tilberg is very boxy but the people were partying hard and late and the Dutch all seem to think the rest of Europe is crap just because they don't all speak perfect English! "Those crazy Dutch!" said Lewis but I can't remember why. Maybe it was something to do with the hotel WIRE rejected in Tilburg. Margaret the guitarist said it was so grotty she didn't even want to put her bag down in it let alone sleep in it!

Berlin is a great place to explore, full of impressive sites and large enough to spend years there I'd warrant. Tiergarten is the largest and most lovely park I've ever strolled through. German venues also make a mockery of British ones in terms of the sound.

Strasbourg has a fine market where I found a sabre for a mere twenty euros, a light sabre for two euros and a tiny plastic Obelix for twenty cents. Lewis loves the trams, but the modern art gallery, watched over by one of Lovecraft's Forgotten Ones, is even better. I spent too long there so got to Paris 23 minutes too late. My Cologne friend Dirk from the Gathering reckons Strasbourg is cool because of the huge German influence. Cancel your order, crossing the border, changing the menu!

The Eyefull tower is good for a stroll but Paris is full of too many slow people and the prices are obscene. Jus d'orange? Mai non je pense que je WAIT until ich gehe zu Belqigue! Paris hotels are the worst. Unlike Germany and Belgium, the beer is worse than Britain. French computer keyboards were designed by a retard and the showers go some way to explaining why the English have often mocked the French for being hygenically challenged. The redeeming feature of the French is that many of them seem to really love WIRE and gave the most enthusiastic response of any crowds on this tour.

Anyway this was the route of my rail and road trip:

I arrived in beautiful Brussels in the middle of some kind of medieval WARDANCE pageant. I had time to visit the city's most mainstream record store just opposite Ancienne Belquique which Killing Joke would conquer by and by. I was rewarded by finding a copy of one of the few PJ HARVEY singles I didn't yet possess, 'A PLACE CALLED HOME.'

After a couple of hours I caught the train to gorgeous Ghent for the WIRE gig at Democrazy. 

Next day I took trains via Antwerp and a bus NORTH OF THE BORDER to Tilburg just in time to catch the seismic riffin' PELICAN and Dutch hardcore heroes SEEIN' RED before WIRE blasted off at around 7pm. Later I was also entertained by the double breasted PRE and a Satanic black metal band who gave the crowd the finger for watching them, all of which was unexpected.

On returning to Brussels I witnessed a lovely WIRE gig at La Botanique, a venue which could verily call itself NICE STREETS ABOVE if it so desired. I struck up conversation with a charming photographer and graphic designer called Violette who sent me eight great photos of WIRE from the gig.

After the gig I had to START TO MOVE pretty sharp and jumped on the night train where I was entertained by conversation with a former theatre director who had just aborted a trip to Turkey. He recommended a trip to Tiergarten which proved very good advice. My first police encounter was with two cops on the Ostbahnhof platform who took a rather long time checking to find out if Interpol have a warrant out on me for listening to music in my living room. Berlin is also very cool and well worth a visit in its own right, but smells worse than Brussels.

The first night was free before the arrival of KILLING JOKE so I checked out the SO36 venue where they and WIRE played, which was immortalised in a song on the first KILLING JOKE album. The sound was excellent as are all other German venues I've ever been to. The soundman played KILLING JOKE before the headline act, a comedy punk trio who weren't very funny but probably liked DEVO. We talked after the gig and I run into him again at the KILLING JOKE gigs.

After the amazing KILLING JOKE regeneration in Berlin, with Big Paul's drum kit illuminated and smoking ritualistically, I planned to head to Paris to see them there. The train times were TOO LATE so at the last minute I rerouted to Strasbourg for more WIRE and this proved a wise choice as the COMET hit very late and I caught the whole set in front of a very young and enthusiastic crowd at a festival that went on until 6am. Next day my second run in with cops was with two French transport police who ask me to wrap up my sword so that it couldn't be seen before I caught the train.

Paris next for more WIRE, on a first class train where I started downing some of the left over Heineken from last night's rider and upset a French idiot who had a tantrum because I couldn't stop belching even when she kicked my chair. She complained to the guard and he clearly thought it was a bit silly having to ask me not to belch when I couldn't help it. In the end she started complaining I was playing the BUTTHOLE SURFERS too loud on my headphones and he came back, again embarrassed, to ask me to turn it down. Then she had a stroke of genius and moved to another seat. Perhaps its a good job the sword was wrapped!
If you ever feel like going to Paris my advice is don't bother. Go in a cafe that advertises coffee for a Euro and they greasy waiters will chearge you five.

It was nice to speed back to Belgium and Brussels which was already seeming like a second home. I found many cool CDs in the shops, including quite appropriately COMMERCIAL SUICIDE. Being there for three days I had plenty of time to explore and each day surpassed the previous one. I met so many great people in Belgium I felt like moving there!

My favourite songs to listen to on a speeding train were
KILLING JOKE - Pssyche
WIRE - Drill (DJ Fuckoff Version) 
       oh dear the moderate Craig won't like that will he?
KILLING JOKE - Timewave
PJ HARVEY - Taut
EINSTURZENDE NEUBAUTEN - Haus Der Lauge
BAND OF SUSANS - Guitar Trio
KILLING JOKE - Empire Song
WIRE - Germ Ship
WIRE - Spent
BUTTHOLE SURFERS - Who was in my room last night?

Back home after another awesome double dose of the mighty JOKE I had a day of rest and didn't even have time enough to notice what a terminal dump Manchester is because the MELVINS wheeled in to rock the town and give me a chance to catch up with lots of old friends. That is the great thing about Manchester, lots of good gigs.

Next day I was off again to London for the KILLING JOKE homecoming and as chaotic synchronicity would have it, THALIA ZEDEK and her band began their tour the very next day. She's a brilliant intense songwriter. Check her out while you still can...

www.myspace.com/thaliazedek

Her tour ends on October 23 at La Botanique in Brussels!

I went to all the THALIA ZEDEK BAND gigs in England and after the best one at Hull Adelphi I had to zoom down to Cheam in Surrey for my younger sister's wedding. The lavish reception was held on a Territorial Army base but my uncles and I resisted the temptation to hijack a tank. One thing I gave her was a copy of 'UH HUH HER' by PJ HARVEY as "The Desperate Kingdom of Love" couldn't really be a better song to wish for a long loving marriage, at the end of this burning world.

Then I went home to transcribe interesting interviews with MAGAZINE and WIRE, blow up some more stereo speakers, and wait for civilization to fall in its grave.

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