[kj] Stupid questions about New Zealand (+ stupid answers)

[Brendan Quinn]

I had to pass this lot on - they made me smile, we all need a smile.


Apparently these were posted on an NZ Tourism Website and the answers are
the
actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of
humour.
__________________________________________________



Q: Does it ever get windy in NZ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do
the plants grow? (UK).



A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________



Q: Will I be able to see kiwi birds  in the street? (USA)



A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
_________________________________________________


Q: I want to walk from Auckland to Wellington - can I follow the
railroad tracks? (Sweden)



A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________



Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in  NZ? Can you send me a list of them
in  Auckland  ,  Wellington  , Christchurch  and  Queenstown ? ( UK )



A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________



Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in  NZ ? ( USA )



A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
New - Zea -l and  is that   island in the middle of the Pacific which
does not ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Auckland city . Come naked.
__________________________________________________



Q: Which direction is North in  NZ ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

_________________________________________________



Q: Can I bring cutlery into NZ  ? ( UK )

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

__________________________________________________



Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

A:   - New-zea- la is that quaint little country , which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Auckland city , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________



Q: Can I wear high heels in  NZ  ? ( UK )

A: You are a British politician, right?
_____________________________________________



Q: Are there supermarkets in  Auckland  and is milk available all year
round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal .
__________________________________________________



Q: Please send a list of all doctors in  NZ who can Dispense  spider
serum. ( USA )

A:   poisonous spiders live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All  NZ  spiders  are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets . You should find some for yourself when you get here.
Especially the ones with white tails .
__________________________________________________



Q: I have a question about a famous animal in NZ , but I forget its
name. It's a kind  animal and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go
out walking.

__________________________________________________



Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in  NZ ? ( USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________



Q: Can you tell me the regions in  Auckland  where the female population
is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )

A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________



Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in  NZ ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________



Q: I was in  NZ  in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated
while I was staying in  Wellington *. Can you help? ( USA )

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
__________________________________________________



Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://four.pairlist.net/pipermail/gathering/attachments/20071106/ae8dcd60/attachment.htm>