[kj] OT -- Metal Joke

[Leigh Newton]

this is hilarious, except the Thrash one should read:

The protagonist arrives, pays no attention to the
princess, and bores the dragon to death with an
endless discussion about several pressing social
issues (war, the environment, corrupt politicians, tv
evangelists, insane asylums, etc)

Leigh

--- sade1 <saulomar1 at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Metal Joke
> 
>   This is the situation: there's a beautiful
> princess trapped in
> a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the
> story with
> different styles of metalheads as knights.(can do
> w/out the
> raping, though)
> 
> POWER METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn,
> escapes from the
> dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in
> an enchanted
> forest.
> 
> THRASH METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves
> the princes
> and fucks her.
> 
> HEAVY METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the
> dragon, drinks a
> few
> beers and fucks the princess.
> 
> FOLK METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
> acordions,
> violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the
> dragon
> falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all
> leave....without the princess.
> 
> VIKING METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon
> with his
> mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the
> princess to
> death, steals her belongings and burns the castle
> before
> leaving.
> 
> DEATH METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the
> princess
> and kills her, then leaves.
> 
> BLACK METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the
> dragon and
> impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises
> the
> princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before
> killing her. Then
> he impales the princess next to the dragon.
> 
> GORE METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and
> spreads his guts
> in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills
> her. Then
> he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and
> eats her
> guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time,
> burns the
> corpse and fucks it for the last time.
> 
> DOOM METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon
> and thinks
> he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and
> commits
> suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess
> as dessert.
> That's the end of the sad story.
> 
> PROGRESIVE METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a
> solo of 26
> minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom.
> The
> protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays
> another solo
> with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the
> last year of
> the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for
> the "HEAVY
> METAL" protagonist.
> 
> GLAM METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the
> guy's
> appearance and lets him enter. He steals the
> princess' make-up
> and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink
> color.
> 
> NU METAL:
> 
> The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic
> and attempts
> to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his
> moronic baggy
> clothes catch fire. 
> 
> =====
> ...  ...  ...  ...  ...  ...  
> As the masters rot on walls
> And the angels eat their grapes
> I watched picasso 
> visit the planet of the apes
> 
> 
> 		
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