[kj] OT -- Metal Joke

Fri Jan 7 15:37:22 EST 2005

You lot obviously all have social lives.

Juliet 
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: juliet pleming 
  To: joker at Z6.com ; A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!) 
  Sent: Friday, January 07, 2005 7:55 PM
  Subject: Re: [kj] OT -- Metal Joke

  Yeah! He should be King for a day tomorrow - not a princess today! 

  Juliet
    ----- Original Message ----- 
    From: Rob's Arse 
    To: A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!) 
    Sent: Friday, January 07, 2005 7:25 PM
    Subject: Re: [kj] OT -- Metal Joke

    So then, the princess knits the cardians which are really kiling joke t shirts. Therefore the princess is actually Mike Coles. Who, erm, ends up getting fucked by Tommy Lee.

    That's not nice. Not nice at all. On the eve of his birthday as well. Poor old Pammy Coles!

    --- sade1 <saulomar1 at yahoo.com> wrote:

    From: sade1 <saulomar1 at yahoo.com>
    Date: Fri, 7 Jan 2005 11:12:24 -0800 (PST)
    To: "A list about all things Killing Joke (the band!)" <gathering at misera.net>
    Subject: Re: [kj] OT -- Metal Joke

    That's waht i thought after rereading it. The 'management'
    part killed me. 

    --- Jpwhkj at aol.com wrote:

    > That was the princess / cardigan reference.
    > 
    > <saulomar1 at yahoo.com> writes:
    > 
    > >That was funny. Thanks. 
    > >Liked the Antoni-shooting-warhorses bit. But, no Mike Coles?
    > >
    > >--- Jpwhkj at aol.com wrote:
    > >
    > >> Killing Joke arrive by aeroplane, from Prague, LA, NZ,
    > Milton
    > >> Keynes, etc. Geordie stands there swaying, smoking, playing
    > >> guitar, and generally looking cool while Jaz rants at the
    > >> dragon. Raven drinks some beer, then sets his pit bulls on
    > the
    > >> dragon. Meanwhile Youth has skinned up, and several session
    > >> drummers have come and gone. The princess meanwhile has
    > spent
    > >> her time knitting Killing Joke cardigans, which are
    > >> confiscated by the management who arrive shortly after the
    > >> dragon dies.
    > >> 
    > >> Motley Crue arrive, and Tommy Lee videos himself fucking
    > the
    > >> princess.
    > >> 
    > >> Then it turns out that Antoni is also in the castle, having
    > >> been locked up for taking photos of warhorses.
    > >> 
    > >> I could go on, but...
    > >> 
    > >> 
    > >> >Metal Joke
    > >> >
    > >> > This is the situation: there's a beautiful princess
    > trapped
    > >> in
    > >> >a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the story
    > >> with
    > >> >different styles of metalheads as knights.(can do w/out
    > the
    > >> >raping, though)
    > >> >
    > >> >POWER METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes
    > from
    > >> the
    > >> >dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an
    > >> enchanted
    > >> >forest.
    > >> >
    > >> >THRASH METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the
    > princes
    > >> >and fucks her.
    > >> >
    > >> >HEAVY METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon,
    > drinks
    > >> a
    > >> >few
    > >> >beers and fucks the princess.
    > >> >
    > >> >FOLK METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives with some friends playing
    > acordions,
    > >> >violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the
    > dragon
    > >> >falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all
    > >> >leave....without the princess.
    > >> >
    > >> >VIKING METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with
    > his
    > >> >mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the
    > princess
    > >> to
    > >> >death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before
    > >> >leaving.
    > >> >
    > >> >DEATH METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the
    > princess
    > >> >and kills her, then leaves.
    > >> >
    > >> >BLACK METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and
    > >> >impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the
    > >> >princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her.
    > >> Then
    > >> >he impales the princess next to the dragon.
    > >> >
    > >> >GORE METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his
    > >> guts
    > >> >in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her.
    > >> Then
    > >> >he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats
    > her
    > >> >guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns
    > the
    > >> >corpse and fucks it for the last time.
    > >> >
    > >> >DOOM METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and
    > >> thinks
    > >> >he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and
    > commits
    > >> >suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as
    > >> dessert.
    > >> >That's the end of the sad story.
    > >> >
    > >> >PROGRESIVE METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of
    > 26
    > >> >minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The
    > >> >protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays
    > another
    > >> solo
    > >> >with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last
    > year
    > >> of
    > >> >the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the
    > "HEAVY
    > >> >METAL" protagonist.
    > >> >
    > >> >GLAM METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's
    > >> >appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess'
    > >> make-up
    > >> >and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color.
    > >> >
    > >> >NU METAL:
    > >> >
    > >> >The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and
    > >> attempts
    > >> >to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic
    > >> baggy
    > >> >clothes catch fire. 
    > >> >
    > >> >=====
    > >> >... ... ... ... ... ... 
    > >> >As the masters rot on walls
    > >> >And the angels eat their grapes
    > >> >I watched picasso 
    > >> >visit the planet of the apes
    > >> >
    > >> >
    > >> > 
    > >> >__________________________________ 
    > >> >Do you Yahoo!? 
    > >> >Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty viruses. 
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    > >
    > >
    > >=====
    > >... ... ... ... ... ... 
    > >As the masters rot on walls
    > >And the angels eat their grapes
    > >I watched picasso 
    > >visit the planet of the apes
    > >
    > >
    > > 
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    =====
    ... ... ... ... ... ... 
    As the masters rot on walls
    And the angels eat their grapes
    I watched picasso 
    visit the planet of the apes

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