[kj] an old cripple writes..............

[Rob's Arse]

Hello Gathering!

I am back from an unplanned exile. Boy am I relieved!

Today is my 35th birthday and I am typing this from my laptop sat on the couch with my left leg well and truly rested!

Last Monday, I was ushering my four year old son out of the door to nursery. My wife and I were planning to go looking for flooring for some building work we are having done  when it all went.............wrong!

I was being beaten by a four year old with a blow up toy (no, not one of mine) when, in the excitement I managed to bang my head on a low door frame. I lost my balance and went over on my ankle. Both ankles have been weak since childhood.  There was a loud crack a sharp pain and I fell over.

I moved my leg but my left foot just flopped. It sat there like a wet rag as I was consumed by pain like you never knew existed. An ambulance was called and within 10 minutes I was on my way to Oxford's John Radcliffe hospital where they confirm two breaks and a dislocation! Deep joy! The drugs they gave me though we superb! I lost the pain and developed a deep deep voice brought on by the gas and air. I was pissed out of my head on gas and air and morphine and began doing Barry White impressions, laughing hysterically, halucentating and then telling everyone I met that I recognised them. All this time my wife was shushing me and aplogising. It only got serious when they pulled my leg back into place. Watching your leg perform such stunts is rather sobering and no amount of drugs can hide the pain!.
I then had to wait 7 days for the swelling to go down so that they could operate. I know have a 5 inch metal plate in one of the bones and ten nice shiney screws! I shall be bleeping airport security machines for evermore!

I chose a nice bright pink cast just to piss my kids off and am now hobbling everywhere on crutches and getting as much sympathy as possible.

I have to say that the health care I received and all my fellow inmates too was absolutely first class. This is my first real experience of the NHS and I am very impressed. These folks get a great deal of criticism, but they got a new fan here!

It's good to be back but moshing is of the list for the tour!

So what's the score? I genuinely missed you freaks! What have I missed?

Lots of  love

Bob the cripple

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